fartbunnies | Closed;

[The myriad of laughter and drunken chatter echoed throughout the room with an odd collection of cadences, punctuated by clinks of wine glasses and the occasional lull in conversation.

Although Mutsu was supposed to accompany him to this function, the two Captains of the Kaientai had discovered that they were both scheduled to be at different events which were held at the same time. As Sakamoto had already specified that he was supposed to be accompanied by a woman, he didn't wish to inconvenience the hosts by stuffing his face with the additional portion of food or cancelling last minute. Instead, he had asked Zura to be his "date" under the condition that the noble warrior would crossdress in order to preserve his own identity and Sakamoto's reputation.

The entire evening had gone well- Although Sakamoto had spent most of it chatting up his business partners with Zura on his arm, they had been separated for a little bit, and the peculiar stargazer decided that perhaps he would bring his old friend some punch and some of the little appetizers that were circling about on fancy platters across the room. Fortunately, one of his other business associates had supplied him with a tastefully tailored, black suit, and despite the fact that he had started the night wearing his sunglasses, the company with whom he wished to gain the favor of requested that he speak to them "With his eyes visible."

Thus, as he walked towards his friends and admired the way that a white flower adorned Zura's raven hair, he offers the man his fill, with his eyes sparkling.]

Hey! Where'd you go? Did you take a huge dump and try flushing several times so the bathroom wouldn't smell?

Edited 2014-03-10 21:12 (UTC)

[ While perhaps a little strange given how conservative he could be on some things, Katsura had absolutely no qualms about dressing and acting as a lady. Like with everything he did, he was completely immersed in his role, too, probably giving Sakamoto more... reputation than he'd bargained for - holding onto his arm with both hands like a loving date-person, hiding little fake laughs behind a fan and chatting up the businessmen's wives. Zurako's voice was somewhat low, husky, but nobody seemed to even doubt that he was a she. ]

[ The mission is a success, that's what it should be called, he decides, and he's getting free food and fun with it, too. He always enjoyed Sakamoto's company, even if their history wasn't as long and familial as his and Gintoki's. In fact, that may have been a good thing, because the man looked really good in suits (that were not some ridiculous, stripey-plaid monstrosity). It would have been weird to ogle him otherwise, right? ]

[ Having been separated at some point of the evening, Zurako feels a sentimental rush when turning towards the familiar voice she sees those eyes, in the open again. Sakamoto didn't wear glasses during the war, and the look of those blue eyes had been burnt into Zura's memory. It was funny, really, how such an unattractive (by the first impression) person could have such beautiful eyes. How come women were not throwing themselves at him? ]

[ The answer makes itself clear when the pretty-eyed dream man in a suit opens his fucking mouth. ]

[ Zurako accepts the plate and the alcohol with grace, even if her look turns stern for a moment. But then she laughs, quietly, for real this time, because being a dumb idiot is just something that makes the mop-top Sakamoto. ]

Oh please. Real ladies can make it go out smelling of roses. How could you not know that?

[ Yes, perhaps the romance could be salvaged if he stopped here, alas, he does not. ]

Besides, flushing does nothing to get rid of the lingering stench. What you need is precaution! Precaution and strategy. Flush a little right before you start, so it does not stick to the bowl. Then make sure to flush every piece right after it goes down - and nobody will ever smell what kind of business you're doing in there!

[Yes, maybe if Sakamoto wasn't an obnoxiously Loud Person, he might have had a few admirers here and there. Too bad! He pretty much always spoiled any chances of that with the noise he made before you could even get a good look at his face. In fact, even if your eyes weren't burning at the sight of him, you could bet your ass your wears would be bleeding in his presence.

Most people would have been bothered by this kind of talk, but Sakamoto just laughs. Despite not going to the same school, these two have always had a bizarre understanding of each other. They were both different kinds of loony, which somehow happened to be on the same wavelength.]

You forgot the bit where you drip roses down there and flush those too, ahaha!

[Though this night was indeed a victory, there's something exhausting about pleading your case to a room full of stuffy businesspeople. Perhaps that's why Sakamoto slept sound soundly at night- He was energetic from morning to evening, and in turn, thoroughly burned out by the end of the day.]

H'oooh? It seems like a lot of people are dancing. We should try!

[One could believe that this was a pleasant invitation for a romantic slow dance.

No, no. Instead Sakamoto begins to shake his shoulders in a sort of... Shimmy-like motion, except there's really nothing much to shimmy save for a few pectoral muscles. In the process of being silly, he bumps into a waiter carrying a platter.]

Whoops?

[ It's not just the volume, it's the content of the things he says. Lucky thing none of them jouishishis are "most people" in any way, especially these two. ]

You forgot to ask. [ calmly ] And that is not how ladies do it, either. You're probably the type to try to engage in a stall-to-stall chit-chat when people are yearning for some privacy, anyway.

[ He watches with a small amount of concern as Sakamoto appears to be having some sort of an attack. ]

Ah, is this what's trending in the clubs nowadays? Those young people think of the strangest things.

Isn't it rude to go around clubbing people? Isn't that wrong, Zura?

Oi! What kind of violent activities are young people getting into nowadays?

[ A sane person would probably explain the misunderstanding; too bad they didn't bring any. ]

Is... is that what those places are for?!

[ Zurako gasps in horror and sets her plate down so she can cover her mouth while at it. The punch shakes. ]

I -- I could understand a little bit of S&M, perhaps a little rope and a bit of tasteful smacking, but clubs?! Isn't that what people in dark alleys use for muggings?!

I'd hope not! At least if you threaten people with a gun, you won't really shoot, right? That way the person drops the money and both parties can get away...

Hm? I think getting away after establishing you have the upper hand with a gun is an action exclusive to you, Sakamoto... Not to mention other people do shoot.

[ What a day, he's actually being the voice of reason?? ]

I have been shot at many times. Although, to be fair, more often than not it is a hand canon rather than a revolver, does it still count as a gun? I wonder...

That's still being shot at, but your demands are things those people would consider radical! You have to talk them out of it. That, and you can make it seem like you've gone on self-destruct! C'mon. You can lose 'em.

Of course I can lose them. It's what I usually do.

[ all smug ]

And excuse me, what demands? There is nothing radical about the dawn of new Japan and the fall of the Bakufu. The only unbelievable demand is them expecting for me to surrender!

I don't think there's anything all too radical about wanting to change the world either.

I'm aiming for the universe! I want everybody to stop fighting. I'll bargain for it.

[ Okay, that's getting him a smile. It's not a sentiment Katsura sees outside of his little group anymore, so he definitely appreciates it, even if Sakamoto goes about it by himself. It's already one more person tugging at the change. If they keep it up, they just might turn that fabric of justice over. ]

[ He'll give him a fond look and pick up his punch glass. ]

You always rather fight with words than a weapon. But I suppose the methods do not matter that much. It is a good thing to work for.

Yeah, you know me. I did some of that fightin' today! Thanks to the pretty thing on my arm, it went a lot smoother. Didn't get any bruises, so thanks.

[ He's visibly pleased to be called "pretty thing", apparently, even if in a minute he'll correct it. ]

It's not pretty thing, it's Zurako.

[ He'll take a sip of that drink now. ]

I did not, either. A nice change of pace. It may not be my thing, but I am honoured I could play my part in your voyage for galactical peace.

Alright, Zurako.

[Sakamoto's smile is earnest.]

Wanna make our way out? Everyone's becoming so drunk that they can't function.

[ Katsura's not particularly fond of the mass of strangers all around, but he's finding Sakamoto's company enjoyable. He doesn't come by all that often, so he wants to spend as much time together as possible. Plus, unlike Gintoki, Tatsuma seems to openly appreciate his presence. ]

[ He'll look around, a little puzzled. ]

Hm? I never noticed. I thought it was still early...

[ Perfectly casually, he'll latch on the other man's arm again. There's some sort of quiet enjoyment at the fact their height difference makes it look so natural. ]

Perhaps we could continue this evening somewhere else? I am still wearing my makeup. It would be a shame not to get the most of it.

Early for a night out, yeah!

Where d'you wanna go? And your make-up looks pretty.

[ This is where the ass-kissing is getting a little superficial, so Zurako gives him an indignant huff, but remains upbeat. ]

It merely accents the prettiness that is my own. Do not underestimate a woman's natural face.

Do you think Laputa is open this time of year?

Hm? Oh, I know.

[Sakamoto is surprised, and it shows in his eyes as they widen, now unbarred by gross disgusting and horrible shades.]

You've always had a nice face, and sure! It's nice, but I've always preferred... Well, just you.

Nothing physical or anything. Like, you've always been nice. A bit kooky, but nice. Haha. Not like I'm one to talk.

[ And that's where Zurako gives him a tiny, conspicuous smile. ]

All the more reason to say I'm pretty, isn't it?

[ it's not the makeup, man, it's the girl! ..er. Crossdresser. Whatever. ]

It's not kooky, it's Katsura.

Hm? But you are pretty.

[The words are spoken as if this knowledge is a matter-of-fact.]

[ It sure is, but Zurako will still give him a triumphant, smug little smile as she takes a hold of his arm with hers. ]

Thank you. You look rather sharp today yourself. I've had my doubts about it being possible, yet here we are.

Sharp?

[Sakamoto immediately looks down at his hands.]

Oh no. Well, I did forget to trim my fingernails...

[ Zurako gives him a blank look and smacks him over the head, while calmly explaining, ]

It's a metaphor, a metaphor.

M-manicure? Oh, I haven't ever gotten one. I guess that's why my nails are so sharp!

[Smacking him only impairs his hearing further. It must be hard to hear under that curly perm.]

I changed my mind. I would like to receive payment for keeping you company tonight.

[ Clearly, this was the reason why women only agreed to court him for money. Katsura had a rather high tolerance for bullshit, but in this case, he felt like the timing was completely embarrassing. He just wanted to give a compliment, was it that much to ask? Huh? Huh? ]

Huh?

[Sakamoto blinks, for a moment, and sheepishly runs a nervous hand through his hair.]

Oh! But you were having so much fun tonight...

[Wasn't that payment enough? And besides, they were friends, right? So... This was just a favor. Still, he wasn't an unreasonable person. Katsura had done him a service and allowed him to do better business this even, so... A little payment wouldn't be out of the question.

He can't take compliments because he isn't used to them. It's better, sometimes, to just assume that things that sound like them aren't real, or aren't there. That's less hurtful than hoping and having those hopes dashed.]

Sure.

[He tucks his hands into his pockets.]

How much do you want?

[ The way he just rolls with it is both frustrating and sad. Is he really that used to being walked all over? Katsura wonders if he's just too used to dealing with Gintoki, who always protests everything he says, especially if it has to do with money. ]

[ Speaking of which, though, one should never say no to free money, even if it ruins the initial plan. ]

How much do you think I'm worth?

[ Zurako flips her hair and purses her lips, staring him dead in the eye with that overly serious expression. ]

I don't know.

People, to me, are too valuable to put a price on. I mean, for someone as valuable as you, I probably would never have enough.

[He is pretty sincere about that... Maybe.]

Ahaha.

[ Ow, a punch right in the feels. For a moment, he's ready to forget all those times Sakamoto swindled him out of something in their youth. Instead, he folds his arms and nods smugly. ]

Exactly. I want you to let that sink in real well; you couldn't afford me.

[ uh Zurako who died and made you the queen of courtesans? ]

[ but then there's an encouraging smile ]

And yet, here I am. Do you understand what this means?

[He raises a brow at that. Okay, K*ty P*rry.

"That you're being an asshole?"

But he keeps his mouth shut. Sakamoto is a diplomat, after all.]

I'm not sure!

[And here, he opens his palms and holds his hands up, moving his fingers emphatically. Jazz hands, jazz hands!]

Surprise me!

Edited 2014-06-09 23:25 (UTC)

It means I'm here because I want to be.

[ pause ]

And then you have to go and ruin my moment!

[ And she swats away at his perm with her fan. The hits are harder than it may sound. ]

I was trying to compliment you, bastard! Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to get it shot down? Should I use dynamite to clean your ears, huh?

Closed;

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well this came out gayer than i intended but oh well maybe sakamoto's getting a happy ending

hush it's beautiful thank u for filling my shippy dreams

ur very much welcome then <3

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and then it got gayer

and then even gayer

it's like a hyperbola where the zero line is gayness

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